it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
