And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
