i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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