my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
