It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
