i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
