I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
