there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
