shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
