she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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