just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
