I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
