My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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