return my video game
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
