please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
