her vagine was all disorganized.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
