Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
