also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
