Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
