just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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