Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
