Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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