I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
