I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
