mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
