WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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