Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
