she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bring me that man meat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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