you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
