remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
