she is the kim kardashian of front butts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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