You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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