just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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