my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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