Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
