I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
