i already hear my dad disowning me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
