I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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