Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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