I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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