Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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