Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
