sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
