3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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