dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
