Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
