How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
