Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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