his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
