That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
