What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
