Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
