You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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